What Comes Around ...

Ahh, Youtube. Thank you for making the internet a better place, but just sometimes. Neatorama posted this link from the cloud, making the ad come full-circle from its debut two years ago.

I forgot how much of a hoot it was to watch. Damn you consumerism. Damn you.

On Gratification

Consumerism sucks,
that short and
simple enough for you,
America?

Instant gratification
with instant coffee
instant oatmeal
instant bedhead
hairstyle instant
I-took-my-pill-four-hours-ago
sex instant
horsepower when you
need it thanks to the engine
of the all new
QXJR48ZS214PI Quad turbo
instant I’m
going to order at the drive-thru
and then honk at everyone
in front of me fast food
instant love at first fuck
but by day three
ready to move ahead
with instant knowledge
pouring through digital fiber link
broaden banded
high uber speed internet
with hyper threading technology
and kibbitz.

I always liked the word kibbitz.

And wouldn’t it be nice
if I could have
the world in a clamshell
or better yet one of those
little snow globes so I could shake
the fuck out of you people
when you piss me off,
then watch the pretty
reflections and
god
or gods
or gods and goddesses
would hand down instant
karma and hand me the
instant electroshock
to my chest.

On Gratification by Michael W. Hyde is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

AirMail Sleeve For MBA

manilamac.com

As much as I hate consumerism in general, I have to admit that this is Ingenious Marketing, capitalized (and pun intended). I believe most intarweb denizens saw people falling over themselves to make this envelope a reality. Congratulations goes out to ManilaMac for being the first (or at least one of the first) out of the gate with this product.

viagra

Take your viagra scented emails,
all your sexually explicit
tastes, the vision of all
those sums of money from all
Those nigerian bankers, they call out
at once,
a cantankerous wail
that sends me over the
edge of the firewall and ... I get stuck in a tube sometimes.

Because it's not a truck.

Because five hundred
miles of submarine cable is equal to a puddle
of spit when it's severed. Much less
five of em.

Because spying on email is much
more satisfying than voice.
Because apparently voice rec
isn't any better
than ten years ago, whereas
email
is just
text.
(And comparitively only barely encrypted.)

Did you know sha-1
was cracked in the 90s?
Would you care if you
knew what sha-1 was? Would you
mind being any less of a tool? And
stop chewing your cud at the
screen. It's in poor taste. Just sip
your coffee
like the rest of us trolling etsy. And while you
craigslist your new fling
of the week, i'll be stuffing my brain
full of fcc filings and try to
get us out of existence by being paradoxic.

(worked for adams. He's with the dolphins now, somewhere, somewhen, somehow.)

I'm looking for a little collective consciousness so
i can get the same idea
and just torrent the blueprints.

Wouldn't that be easier than
building a new porn policy? Or stripping the latest
drm off blue colored media?

Or wait. What if this
entire charade was rated m for mature ... Would it
be taken any less seriously? I mean, grand theft
auto is rated M, and as we all know, if you
play that game you must be a crack-addled
terrorist with nothing better to do in
your spare time than to play a degenerate computer
simulation of killing hookers and stealing cars.

(Now that i think of it, doesn't sound like a bad LARP if you could just get the dice rolls to stick to the whore's ass.)

And what if i told you that this entire facade we called the internet is
nothing more than a program
run by IBM, who
wants nothing more
than to steal every published idea and filter it
down the pipe to its
lowest common
denominator
;
and then commoditize
it ...

(get your very own ibm brainstorming book
from amazon, only 29.95
plus shipping
and handling. You too can purchase other
people's ideas for fun and
profit. Now go forth
and be civilzed. that's on page 246.)

viagra by Michael W. Hyde is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Who-Filled Fun For Everyone Except This Table.

What better way to eat pancakes and a sucker simultaneously than to drizzle them in fruit-flavored icing and flip poor Dr. Suess' in his very grave by associating them with his good name.

The rhyming couplet on the menu is what really got me. In my haste to grab the photo above, I disregarded the description until just now, writing this post. But I'll get it. Oh yes. I will.

Vintage-Boxed Games

I saw these chilling at Target and thought they were very cute. Quite a theme they have going; it made me think of the Steampunk movement that's evermore popular. I applaud the marketers for this one: if I didn't already own copies of most of these games, I would have taken one or two home on the spot.